Laughing Matters with Phil Callaway
A slice of dread
A little boy asked a friend, “How do you spell mousetrap? The friend said, “C-A-T.” How is your spelling? Winnie the Pooh said, “My spelling is wobbly; it’s good spelling but it wobbles, and the letters get in the wrong places.”
Teachers have encountered some letters in the wrong places on tests and assignments. Here are a few of my favourites.
“I didn’t get to sleep much all night because next door’s dog was baking.” Well, that kid had a ruff night, don’t you think? (Pardon the pun.) My friend Mike has a chubby little puppy. He likes to say, “He’s not fat, he’s just a little husky.”
“There are two houses of parliament in Britain. The House of Commons. And the House of Lards.”
“There was a very thick frog on the road last night and it made a car crash into a bus.” Ah yes, watch out for those very thick frogs. I want you to live hoppily. Again, pardon the pun.
“The best place to put pants is somewhere warm and damp, where they can live happily.” I think this child meant “plants.”
“In last year’s Christmas concert, Linzi played the small prat. I played one of the smaller prats and I would like to have a bigger prat this year.”
One boy enjoyed picking up sea shells, so he wrote, “I like to pick up smells on the beach and keep them in my room.” What a difference one letter makes.
“We spent two weeks in grease last year.” I think “Greece” is the word.
“Mr. Brown walked into the room and sat on his favourite choir.” I think the child meant chair.
“The funny thing about my family is that they are divers. My uncle Tim is a taxi diver. My uncle Steve is a bus diver and my Dad is a van diver.” Well diving jokes are shrimply great, aren’t they?
The final Bad Spellers Hall of Fame sentence from a kid: “Every morning dad has a slice of dread before he goes to work.”
When I read that last one it made me smile then stop and think a bit. Because this morning when I should have been eating bread, I got one letter wrong and picked up a slice of dread. Over family concerns. Decisions. A relationship that needed mending. If you’ve picked up a thick slice of dread today, would you do this?
Allow the arrival of worry to trigger an acknowledgement of your own inadequacy and your need to turn it over to God. There is no situation or circumstance that we face alone. God is everywhere. Proverbs 15:3 says, “The eyes of the LORD are in every place, keeping watch on the evil and the good.” He is with us. He cares. Matthew 6:8 says, “…your Father knows what you need before you ask him.”
My wife sees my dread. She sometimes says, “Why pray when you can worry?” If you worry, preach to yourself this way: God is big enough to bring me through this, strong enough to carry this for me, and loving enough to cause all of it to work together for my good. According to Romans 8, it will be alright in the end so if it’s not alright, it’s not the end.
I hope that brings a smile to your face today. And watch out for that thick frog on the road. I don’t want you to…croak.
Phil’s radio show, Laugh Again, is on several hundred stations. Visit him at philcallaway.com.
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