Diary of an ex-people pleaser

Food for thought

People pleasing involves seeking human approval above God’s. I truly believe, the root cause of people pleasing is fearing what others think and say about you. We continue to try to please others, so we will not be rejected. Proverbs 29:25

Our priorities can certainly be misplaced, when we value human glory more than God’s. (John 5:44). Our desire for acceptance is surrendering our own true self to be accepted, validated or loved by others. However, our true worth is grounded in God’s love and calling, not in the opinions of others. Ephesians 2:10. Our desire for acceptance, is surrendering our own true self to be accepted, validated or loved by others. While we are to care for others and show compassion, we should never seek to be a people pleaser. Our true worth is grounded in God’s love and calling not in the opinions of others. Ephesians 2:10.

When we succumb to pleasing others, we not only compromise our faith, but we also show our spiritual insincerity towards God. We choose the things of man versus our adoration to God, we should always place God first, even when it conflicts with human expectations.

I have experienced in my personal time coaching women, that people pleasing may be a trauma response. As children we had certain needs, primarily to be protected and provided for. But sadly, many of us grew up in an unsafe, unstable or abusive environment that made us experience a lot of stress and suffering. In order to protect ourselves we learned to create a safer environment, certainly something I learned as a child for myself and for my two younger sisters. 

Unfortunately, there are so many negative effects of pleasing others, we live our life not based on who we truly were designed to be by God. Our body responds, and holds on to our stresses and our anxieties, I truly believe, repressed feelings can cause various illnesses. We can become resentful and live with regrets, the relationships we choose are highly likely to be very dysfunctional ones. What we do not allow ourselves to do is feel joy, freedom and true meaning of the life God has created for us. 

The bottom-line: people pleasing is exhausting and let’s face it, it is fake. It robs us of the abundant life and purpose God has planned for us. And when we choose people over God it takes His glory away, the pure character of God and all He has done and created for us. I am not standing in judgement here; I have lived that life. I wanted to matter, feel valued and be noticed by others. In order to feel accepted and not rejected I was a people pleaser. When I realized that some people wanted me for what I did rather than who I was. I did some deep internal healing and pursued God for a deeper understanding – most importantly for who I am in Him.

People pleasing can cause us to become bitter, we set an invisible bar to attain, and it never will be attained. We will continue to live in our own strength not His. Maybe it will take a humbling experience to bring us to where we are supposed to be, we are His handiwork and masterpiece created in the image of His son Jesus. That is an image I want to stand in, and rest in all He is and all He wants me to be! 

Love to you all, an ex-people pleaser who has become a mighty warrior for Christ!

“Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.” – Galatians 1:10

Shalom.