Dear daughter with an unexpected pregnancy

Although you are not my daughter, you are a daughter to someone, and although I am not your mother, I am a mother to three. And so, I am writing to you as if you were one of my three.

If you were to tell me about your unexpected pregnancy, oh how I would have a million things running through my head and my heart, but probably not as many things as you have running through yours. 

First, I would try my best just to listen. As a mom, that’s hard to do because we usually have opinions and want to help and direct. But I would listen. Because I know you have so much inside of you that you just need to get out. Keeping it inside is overwhelming and confusing and painful. Like too many people cornered into a small space. Sometimes, the loudest voices or feelings become the most important, but the quietest ones need to be heard and given space too. In fact, sometimes the quietest voices or feelings need to be listened to the most. Letting everything out of the crowded space within you, gives each thought and feeling the space to be heard. 

Dear Daughter, what are you feeling? If you can’t tell me, I encourage you to find someone you can talk to who will listen. It’s good to have a safe space to let it all out. I would also encourage you to write out your feelings and thoughts. I do that when I have a big decision to make or even when I’m feeling overwhelmed. Somehow, getting it all out on paper helps me sort through everything. 

Once you let every thought and feeling out, I encourage you just to breathe. Like literally – breathe. We hold our breath when we are in pain, and we rush to make the pain go away. As much as you feel like running away from this, I encourage you to pause and breathe. There is no “easy fix,” so rushing into a decision might bring temporary relief but leave you with long-term regret. When pain or difficulty is not easily “fixed,” we must learn how to breathe through it. This can help us calm down physically, emotionally, and mentally.  

When you have shared or written out all your thoughts and feelings and given yourself space to pause and breathe, you are ready to gather information. There’s a saying, “Ignorance is bliss.” But ignorance is not bliss; ignorance can lead to pain and choices we would not make if we knew more. I want you to know that knowledge is power, and you have the right to accurate information about your situation. I encourage you to make sure you understand the pros and cons of each option for an unexpected pregnancy: abortion, adoption, and parenting. 

Lastly, I would ask you to share what’s in your heart. Putting aside what everyone else thinks or says, what is your heart telling you to do? If you could make fear be quiet, what would you do? 

Dear Daughter, there is no one else like you, and I love that. You are unique, and your situation is unique. I want you to know that this unexpected pregnancy does not define who you are as a person. This pregnancy may have suddenly changed your life, but it does not have to limit it. You are incredibly strong. But you also don’t have to face this alone. Help is available for you – help to make an informed decision and help after you decide. We all need help and support. It’s ok to ask for it. So, dear Daughter – ask for help, ask for information, and take the time you need to make the best decision for you. You can do this. I believe in you. You are not alone. 

If you need to talk to someone about an unexpected pregnancy and would like accurate information on your options, go to our website: https://pregnancycarecanada.ca/looking-for-help/. You can find a pregnancy care centre near you or you can connect with someone online who can help. We’re here for you.

Reprinted with permission from pregnancycarecanada.ca