While it was still dark

A couple of weeks ago, my laptop suddenly turned itself off and wouldn’t turn back on.

I’m not sure what happened since I had stepped away for a moment. But I had noticed the fan seemed to be running more than usual, and when I returned to my desk, I found my laptop had failed. It wasn’t just sleeping, since it wouldn’t wake up. It wasn’t out of power, since it was plugged in. I figured it must be overheated.

So, I unplugged it, detached my external drive, and let my laptop cool off – “at least 30 minutes,” said Google. But an hour later, the bottom of my laptop still felt hot. So, I waited. Four hours later, still hot, still waiting. I moved my laptop to a cooler part of the house. Six hours later, still warm, still waiting.

Finally, nine hours later, my laptop felt normal – but it still wouldn’t start. I turned it over and tried to reset the battery by inserting a paper clip into the pinhole on the bottom of the laptop. I’d had to do that once before – last year – but this time, my laptop still wouldn’t start. I tried again, still nothing. I started to wonder whether my laptop had been damaged beyond resting and beyond repair.

I let it sit overnight. Then the next morning, I held my breath and tried to start my laptop again. And voila! the backlit keyboard flashed to life, the screen came on, and all was well once more.

I restored my browser windows that had been so rudely cut off the day before, logged out of each one and closed each one properly. I recovered my most recent documents, and checked that all my other files were still listed neatly on my hard drive. Everything seemed to be just as it had been before the crash.

Somehow in the middle of the night, my laptop had been restored – without my worrying over it or working on it, without doing more research online or trying to revive it with a paperclip, or even praying over it. From that experience, I learned about the value of waiting and about not letting my laptop get overheated – and yes, I now have a proper cooling pad for it. I was also reminded – at the risk of over-spiritualizing – that just as my laptop had somehow been revived in the middle of the night when I wasn’t looking, so too the resurrection life of Easter first appeared at night when no one was there to see it.

The gospel of John tells us that “early in the morning of the first day of the week, while it was still dark, Mary Magdalene came to the tomb and saw that the stone had been taken away” (20:1). She had started out while it was still dark, so by the time she arrived, the stone had been rolled away and the tomb was empty. Jesus had already risen from the dead! Somehow while it was still dark and while there were no witnesses, God had raised Jesus to new life. That’s how God’s resurrection power works – while it’s still dark, in secret when no one’s looking, in ways that we don’t expect.

But Mary didn’t know that yet. In her tears and confusion, when she later saw Jesus in the garden, she assumed he was the gardener. Jesus didn’t rush to correct her. Instead, he gently asked her: “Why are you crying?” (John 20:15). He began with Mary’s heart of loss and misery. He accepted her tears. He did not try to talk her out of crying. He did not say things are not as bad they seem. He didn’t even rush to tell her the good news of his resurrection.

Instead, Jesus began by acknowledging Mary’s despair, and only then revealed who he was by calling her by name. Only then did she recognize him and the power of his resurrection. Somehow while she was still in the depths of her grief, Jesus called out to her and brought her new life. That’s how God’s resurrection power works! While it’s still dark, when we’re not able to see clearly, in ways that we don’t expect.

Like Mary, some of us may be grieving or confused or unable to recognize Jesus. All of us have a long way to go in understanding death and resurrection, life and faith. 

But be assured – God’s resurrection power is at work – while it’s still dark, in the midst of whatever grief or confusion or questions or trials we face. The risen Christ meets us wherever we are, calls us by name, and brings new life.

April Yamasaki is a pastor, author, and editor, grounded in sacred pauses, soul care, and living with faith and hope. Read more of her writing at AprilYamasaki.com and WhenYouWorkfortheChurch.com.