You’re not alone

In 2015, I had the privilege of attending a very special global conference, the Mennonite World Conference in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania. Although I was born into generations of Mennonites, was raised and schooled in the Mennonite tradition and worked in a Mennonite seniors’ care home, I did not know much about the global Mennonite community. If you are thinking of head coverings, black outfits and horses with buggies, you would be describing a portion of the people who attended this conference. If you are thinking of brightly-colored clothing and African head dress, you would also be describing a selection of the people who attended the conference.

On the first night of the Mennonite World Conference,  8,000 Mennonites gathered in an  a. On the stage, a “regular” man began to sing. He sang a song that he indicated was familiar to most of us. It was not familiar to me. The man was Bryan Moyer Suderman and the song was “You’re Not Alone”.

The song begins – “You’re not alone, we are one body. You’re not alone, we stand with you. You’re not alone, your time of suffering is our suffering, too. And I know the day is coming when we will be rejoicing anew.”

As we sang this song together, I watched the delegates from around the world. Some were dancing, clapping. Some were singing soberly. I tried to think of what these words meant to those from India, from Brazil, from the Democratic Republic of the Congo. In 2015, the North American world was not ‘suffering’. In my mind, we were the ones who were supporting others who suffer. Although we support those who are homeless, the country itself was managing well with a social safety net to catch those who need food and shelter. Canada is frequently listed as one of the most desirable countries to live in on the whole planet. I wondered how it felt for those from developing countries to sing this song, to hear those words sung by people whose lives are so very different, but standing shoulder to shoulder. I cried there in that arena as I thought of how much we all need each other.

And then came COVID-19. It has shaken the planet and it has exposed the common humanity of us all. For those of us who no longer have dependents and especially if we are widowed or divorced, we are alone. Financial foundations have been shaken. Fears have been exposed and the aloneness of it all is wearing us down.

I was asked to visit a senior who was reported to “not be doing well” in this social isolation. She is a friend. It was the anniversary of her husband’s death. I knocked on the door of her apartment suite and she brought a chair to the entrance. I put a chair six feet away from her across the hallway. We started by crying together, masks on to catch the tears. I’ve known her and I knew her husband for many years. They are great encouragers and people of deep faith. She said that she was coming apart. She has never felt so alone. The greatest pain, she said, is to have my daughter stand at the entrance of my apartment and drop off groceries. No hug, no cup of tea. A short time and the visit is over. We prayed together. I closed my eyes and lifted my hands. When I opened them, I saw that she had done the same. Spiritual connection. You’re not alone. Your time of suffering is my suffering, too.

The one thing that I’ve done alone in my life, where I knew no one could do it for me, is childbirth. I was terrified of the pain or losing my child or losing my own life. There are other life events that happen alone. A major surgery, cancer diagnosis and treatments, rehab from a hip or knee replacement, a divorce or the loss of a spouse. Yes, there are people around you who support you, but it’s you, alone, facing these experiences.

In these COVID-19 days, the infection control protocols are asking us to do everything that goes against the way we were created to be. We are created as social beings. We need friendships, talking, laughing, crying together, hugs and holding. Our Campus-of-Care is designed to foster all of these social interactions for seniors in a life season when there are many losses. We have meals together, recreation together, coffee times, walks and areas in the buildings designed for visits. We encourage families and friends to enjoy being with their loved one. We put in a golf putting green so that young children will love to visit at great grandma’s house. COVID-19 has turned this all on its head and it is not easy for anyone.

It is in these alone times that we need the Holy Spirit’s presence. Psalm 23 is David’s expression of his experienceof the presence of God in his life. If he were living today, he might write, “even though I’m all alone and death is facing me as an invisible virus that could be delivered through my most beloved family and friends – even then, I am not afraid. Even all alone, I know that God’s protective and comforting presence is with me.”

What can you do during these alone times to ease the suffering of alone-ness? David wrote poetry. He put in writing his feelings. At one time, I helped a senior who lived at Menno Place typeset and bind his poetry into books for his loved ones. I even videotaped him reading it out loud.

Paul wrote letters. Now there’s an old-fashioned thing to do! He wrote to his friends and co-workers in the church. You can, too. Send a hand-written letter by mail to someone you love and miss – children, grand-children, great-grandchildren. It may be the first letter some of your descendants ever receive!

Pick up the phone and call someone that you miss. Call someone you’ve never called before – the young couple that sits in the pew in front of you, someone God puts on your heart. You don’t have to talk long, just let them know that you are thinking of them and miss them.

Call your church and tell them that you’re “not doing great.” Ask for prayer.

Ask for help to use technology that connects you with others. There are ways to see each other while talking – even to see entire groups together. Zoom calls, Skype or Facetime can give you the visuals as well as the audio of those you love.

Spend time in the presence of God. Ask for ‘a new thing’. Play your worship music loudly. Lift your hands in prayer. Kneel and pray. Lie face down (prostrate) before the Lord and pray. Give Him your whole self, surrendered to His ways. Come unglued, be released, dance for joy. Ask the Holy Spirit to be present with you.

In these pandemic days, our sufferings are new and different. And as body of believers, we sing to each other –  You’re not alone, we are one body. You’re not alone, we stand with you. You’re not alone, your time of suffering is our suffering, too. And I know the day is coming when we will be rejoicing anew.