Approaching conflict redemptively

An Interview with Steve Brown, President Columbia Bible College, Abbotsford, B.C.

In today’s polarized world, business leaders will inevitably face conflict. It is unavoidable. How you handle conflict is the question. Will you navigate life’s uncertainties, business complexities and decision-maker ambiguities using biblical principles, that potentially can lead to redemptive values? Or will you succumb to the worldly tendency to try to ‘win at any cost’ or ‘seek to overcome’ opposition through ‘demanding my own way’? Your choice can impact not only your business and professional life, but your spiritual growth and the quality of your family life.

Steve ’s Story

Facing conflict was difficult for Steve. He decided he was doing poorly because it drained him emotionally and he felt anxious as he reviewed over and over what he did, or did not do, right during his recent tough battle. One day Steve’s coach challenged him to take a blank piece of paper and write out everything that popped into his head about conflict. Half-way down this page, he jotted the words “conflict hurts people’. That phrase leapt up as a breakthrough eureka moment!  

A memory of when he was twelve years old surfaced along with hidden hurts. With surprise, he realized this memory still haunted him, impacting how he currently dealt with conflict. That knowledge was redemptive; through forgiveness Steve learned that effective conflict management has potential to not only restore relationships but to also facilitate self-awareness and redemption.

Jesus teaches us to love always, and to not be afraid to pray for discernment and speak the truth.  Steve calls this attitude a ‘safe but not soft’ leader, using Jesus’ example from Mark 10: 17-23 NIV. Here the man who asked Jesus what he had to do to inherit eternal life was told to obey the commandments.  He said he had done so from his youth. 

Then Jesus compassionately ‘looked at him and loved him’, before telling him to ‘go, sell everything, then come, follow me.’ Although this man went away sad, Jesus convicted him of his hidden heart attitudes.  To be ‘safe but not soft’, as Jesus teaches, love those you disagree with, but if needed, stand firm in faith and compassionately confront them with words of truth.

Every person has a default conflict management style. There are five responses, according to Thomas Kilman’s inventory on conflict styles:  avoiding, accommodating, compromising, collaborating and competing. Sometimes it’s better to change a default preference and use a less comfortable style, to achieve effective results. 

Know your ‘true north’. Is it kingdom building? Is it love-motivated? Is it seeking to honour God, in all that you think, say, pray and do? Your answer will influence your capacity to become a peacemaker.

Failure to listen intently enough is one pitfall to avoid in conflict resolution. False assumptions can lead to misrepresentation of motives. To counteract this tendency, learn to ask lots of questions. Do your best to clarify ambiguities and listen with intentionality. 

Some benefits of navigating conflict well, according to Steve, include increased creativity, becoming a stronger catalyst for change, and deepening one’s commitment towards redemptive outcomes. Books that Steve recommends include Jim Van Yperen’s Making Peace, which focuses on church conflict but is also helpful for resolving business conflicts, and Patrick Lencioni’s Five Dysfunctions of the Team.  

Biblical Principles to Apply….

Knowing you are loved by God, you can love others.  Colossians 3:12 NIV: Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 

Forgiveness matters. Colossians 3: 13-14 NIV reads: Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. 

God calls us to peacemaking. Colossians 3:15 NIV teaches: Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. 

Peacemakers reap righteousness. James 3: 18 NIV Peacemakers who sow in peace reap a harvest of righteousness. 

     In conclusion, Steve shares two prayers recommended by one of his mentors. 

• First prayer: “Lord, what do you want me to learn through this conflict?”

This focus on learning requires humility of heart and helps to defuse pride and self-centred attitudes.

• Second prayer: “Lord, how do you want me to respond to honour You?”

This shift from needing to be in control to submission to God’s authority is pivotal for successful outcomes. When redemption is the cry of a leader’s heart, and you want to honour God more than you want to “have your own way” in a conflict, genuine reconciliation and peacemaking become possible. Plus, God is glorified and honoured!

“Connecting your Sunday Faith to your Monday Work”

The Canadian Christian Business Federation exists to support business leaders in the study and application of Biblical Leadership Principles with peers, in order to transform lives, strengthen businesses, and positively influence and impact our world. www.ccbf.org

Nancy Kingdon is an author and freelance writer who writes these stories as a gift to the CCBF ministry.  She may be reached through: www.writinglegacy.com